a.bastard.irony

22.30. Teras depan rumah. Dji Sam Soe. Teh Botol Sosro.
Kertas Kosong. Pensil. Nyamuk-nyamuk antri sembako. Sayup panggung dangdut di
kejauhan…

Oke… Buat setting kontemplasi malam gue, dangdut sama
sekali bukan soundtrack yang cocok… Tapi akhirnya dengan tabah gue dengerin
juga, lumayan, jempol kaki gue bisa goyang. Sampai tiba-tiba gue denger suara
mesum mendayu itu….

Ah… ah… uh… oh… ah… yess… ( Dan dengan nada
bokep yang bener2 profesional… heran gue… sama sekali ga ada bagian
klasik itu. You know… “Ayo yang di ujung sana.. goyaaaannggggg…” )

Alis gue naik, kuping gue gerak… Cewe ini… nyanyi apa
ML di panggung? (Perlu gue jelasin ML di sini bukan Making
Love, tapi, Moaning Lust… Muncrat Lendir
juga boleh… Ato mungkin she masturbates dengan mik yang fungsinya sekaligus
sebagai vibrator… who knows?…)

Horny? Jelas nggak… Karena sebenarnya semalam gue
pingin nulis sesuatu yang rada2 melankolis. Dan gara-gara raungan mesum itu,
momen yang gue langsung buyar! Arrgghhh…….. And it just pissed me off!

Anyway, apa hubungannya raungan mesum tadi dengan cinta?

One word… Irony

Kenapa jadi ironi? Karena raungan mesum tadi malam udah
nyeret gue ke kenangan itu. Menyakitkan.

Flashback…

Tiga tahun terakhir gue di Jogja, gue sempat memilih untuk
tinggal di kontrakan bareng 2 orang temen gue. Si bangsat dan si item. Gue sama
si Item udah mafhum kalo si bangsat pulang ke rumah, dan kita denger suara
pintu mobil ditutup dua kali, itu tandanya si bangsat pulang bawa cewe-nya…
Selanjutnya gue dan item langsung geleng2 kepala…

Selanjutnya… ya itu… suara decitan spring bed dan
erangan perempuan. Ah… uh… dan seterusnya.. Sampai2 si item yang kamarnya
sebelahan sama si bangsat harus tidur dengan headset di kepalanya… Dan gue
akhirnya memutuskan untuk pindah…

Segitunya kah? Well… Karena si bangsat itu udah
married! Punya anak, istri… BANGSAT!!

Gue masih inget setiap kali istrinya nelpon gue nanyain
suaminya pergi ke mana… pergi dengan siapa… dan gue harus selalu bohong. Kemudian
kita sampai ke tahapan di mana sang istri curhat ke gue sambil nangis-nangis
dan ngomong kalo dia tau suaminya selingkuh. “Tau darimana mbakyu?” waktu gue
tanya… “tau dari sms mas…” BANGSAT TOLOL!

Gue masih inget “Mas Yani… Kenapa kok jadi gini ya?
Saya kurang apa mas? terakhir dia pulang, dan saya masih mau ‘kumpul’ sama
saya… tapi kok disana kaya gitu…” .

Dan puncaknya… “Mas… Aku mau cerai… Tapi kayanya
aku hamil deh…”

That’s it… Itu udah cukup buat gue… Si bangsat tutup kuping,
dan si istri malah hamil. Sementara gue dan Item udah capek bohong buat nutupin
borok si bangsat, omongan kita ga ada yang masuk ke telinga si bangsat, ayam
kampus gendut itu juga tutup mata kalo dia kelonin suami orang….

Sadly yes… I pushed her away. “Not one of my
business…” . Gue udah capek…

Classic.

Wait… mana ironinya?

Kl yang di atas belum cukup… Gue tambahin lagi deh…

Februari yang lalu, dia harusnya melahirkan… but she
failed.

She died… along with the baby

More irony?

Si bangsat bahkan ga ada di sana buat ngedampingin
istrinya melahirkan…

More irony?

Gue datang duluan ke rumah duka…

More irony?

Si bangsat ke pemakaman istrinya pake baju merah…

More irony?

Seandainya gue mau lebih buka kuping gue buat dengerin
dia….

More irony?

Her 8 years daughter is beautiful… and now her mom is
dead.

More irony?

Last time I heard… Dia balik lagi ke jogja… beli
rumah, move out dan… kumpul kebo…

Gue cuma bisa diam di pemakaman. Liat wanita mati syahid.
Merasa berdosa. Marah. Sedih. Dan nggak bisa nangis. Gue pulang lebih awal.

Ironis ya Yan?

Well… Ini ironi yang biasa…

Kegagalan kita sebagai manusia dalam menerjemahkan
kesederhanaan cinta.

Beberapa minggu yang lalu, gue sempet bertanya pada Wimar
Witoelar. “Dear sir… which one is more selfish… desire, needs atau
ambition?”

Beliau Cuma jawab “Wah… I don’t know. I am not the
right person to answer that”

Hahah!… Mungkin Pak Wimar punya feeling kalo gue udah
punya jawaban egois versi gue sendiri, dan gue sedang nyari komparasi.

Atau mungkin temen2 MP punya jawabannya?

PS:

Gue sambung kapan2 ya? Males nulis panjang2…. And,
Btw… kata2 bangsat di ganti ama bajingan aja deh ya. sorry ngasih taunya
telat…

here.here.here

Time
passed, and I don’t even bother to take a look at my watch. I ordered another
milkshake. I’m such a greedy maniac when it deals with anything with chocolate.
I can’t stop thinking, how on earth anyone refused this taste of heaven for a
diet?

And
when the moment of humiliation came, I’ll blame it on my off-limit ignorance.

And
so at last, the moment of humiliation was finally happened. I paused reading,
and was about to take another sip of my cappuccino. My lip was already on the
tip of the glass when I cycled my sight around the floor. I realized that the
other patrons have already left. I sighed; this is a common habit of mine.
Always went home latest.

“They
never complaint anyway…” I drank up my cappuccino to the last drop.

I
check my watch. It was 9:55 pm,
five more minutes to closing hour. No wonder. Tomorrow is Monday, and most
people that came here hates Monday.

I
closed my book; grab my cell from the bag. Turned it on and waited for a few
moments… No new message… And somehow it was relieving.

“It’s
time to wrap things up” I said to myself.

Suddenly,
a gentle cough startled me. There was a waiter stand on the left side of the
desk. He smiled, though it couldn’t hide the fact that he looked very tired.

“Oh…
I’m sorry… Was about to leave…” An apology has to be made. I have the feeling
that this kid is new here. I’ve never seen him before. Or at least I thought
so.

“It’s
okay ma’am… You wouldn’t mind if I clean your table now wouldn’t you?” His eyes
glanced on the empty cup and plate.

“Of
course not… Oh… Can I have the bill please?” I took out my wallet from my bag
harshly. I felt a little bit irritated. He called me ‘Ma’am’. Do I look that
old?

“Sure
ma’am…” He handed over a slip of bill

“You
new here aren’t you?” I wanted to prove I’m right.

He
wiped the sweat off his forehead

“Err…
I just shift in for my girlfriend… She’s sick”

“Is
it Angie?” In a sudden I became worried. Saturday was her shift. On this coffee
shop, she’s my favorite person after Simon who owns this place.

“Yes…
She has a terrible cold” He smiled bitterly.

“I
see…” I took the bill and fold the money in it.

“And
Simon was okay with this?”

“Yeah…

“By
the way, I haven’t seen Simon again… Where is he?” Simon used to have some
small talks with me during the closing

“Oh…
I think he went down town to catch a movie. He almost literally ran… Well, he
wouldn’t need any permission wouldn’t he?”

“Let
me guess… He just threw you the keys and told you to do the closing…”

“Yeah…
He did…” He grinned

We
laughed. Simon… He’s such a movie freak.

“Say…
Last week, Angie told me that you got a job at the construction of the new golf
range?”

“Yes…
I did”

“What
is your job…?”

“It’s
just a part time job, I’m the drafter assistant”

“I
heard that the project has a strict policy on the employee presence…”

“Yes…
it’s true; even on part timers”

“Uh-huh…
And yet here you are…”

“I
got lucky ma’am…”

“Lucky?”

“Yes…
though it kind of complicated…”

“I’m
all ears”

“See…
There was a new engineer on the site. He’s replacing the site manager. Not that
new actually. It was about a month ago or so… Anyway, I told his assistant
about my situation… wonder if I could get a few days off this weekend… And…”

“And
that site manager gave you the permission…”

“Yes…
surprisingly… he did…”

“Wow…
Lucky you…”

“And
I never even met him…”

“Really?”

“Yeah…
He was on the field most of the time…”

“That
is a rare professionalism on these days…”

“Indeed…”
He nodded and smiled in agreement.

What
do you know? It was an amusing story. He didn’t even realize the floated
sarcasm in my last line. I smiled and gave him the bill back.

“Err…
Ma’am… wouldn’t you mind to get the change on the counter?” His asked
politely

“Sure…”
At this rate, I wouldn’t think that he would climb the stairs over and over
again for sure.

“Thank
you…” He took the cup, the glass and plate from the desk, nodded at me and then
walked to the stairs.

I
shook my head and almost chuckled. If he were a new employee, it only proved
another theory. ‘The new employee always gets the worst shift’. I grab my bag
and ready to leave. I took a second look at the couch, making sure that nothing
is left.

But
as I turn myself, my eyes stumbled on an object.

It
was a black bag; lied upon the chair right in front of my favorite couch.
Again, I cycled my sight around the floor. Right after that, I rolled my eyes
up, sighed and shrugged my shoulder. I shook my head, realizing that the chain
of my body language made me looked silly for sure. Of course nobody was
around; I’m the only human alive here on this floor.

But
whose bag is this? My forehead wrinkled, I tried to remember anyone that
sat in front of me earlier

I
walked towards the chair, took a closer look. Judging from the shape, the owner
must be a man. Size-wise, nothing is too odd. It looked like a sort of small
traveling bag. It had a big pouch on the front and a small pouch on each side
of the bag. I touched the bag, and gave it some gentle pat; I was trying to
guess what’s inside. It was hard. I used my hands to trace the shape. A
square solid shape was inside. That shape felt familiar… Is it a laptop? Oh
great! I can’t leave this thing here…

I
turned my head to the stairs and frowned. That waiter is impossible! He had
enough trouble tonight. But what should I do? Should I just leave it here?

Relax
Eve
. I took
a moment to think any possibilities I could come up with. Let me see…

1. Simon is not here,

2. That kid just went
through hell,

3. Became an evil woman can
be fun

I
took my cell out and decided to call Simon. Though I knew that there’s only
slightest chance that he would still turned his cell on when he’s in a movie.
But then, I heard the dialing tone. It’s unusual; but also relieving

It
took quite some time; I lost count on the dialing tone. Come on Simon! Pick
your damn cell and press the green button!

“Simon…
It’s me”

“Eva…
Bloody hell… I’m in a movie and YOU just put my life in danger! I’m lucky they
didn’t start to throw trash at my head. I have to run down to the toilet… What
is it? You still in my place…?” He blurted and breathed hastily. He must
be running down to the toilet

“Yes
I am… Look I wouldn’t bother you if nothing is important…”

“Shoot…
I shouldn’t leave him alone…”

I
have the feeling that Simon is scratching his baldy head.

“No…
The kid is doing great”

“Oh…
Then what’s so important?”

“I
think someone forgot his bag…”

“Bag?
What bag?”

“Someone…
left… his… bag… here…” I pointed my finger at he bag. As if Simon was here.

“Darn,
leave it to Bram or you can take it with you… Just don’t leave that bloody bag
in the counter…”

“What…?
Who is Bram?”

“Oh
dear God… Why did they scream? Eva… I got to go… really… I can’t miss the next
scene…” I hear the fainted sound of screaming crowds on the cell.

“Simon…
I hope you sleep with a nightmare!”

“Pfft…”
And he hung up his cell.

Gosh!
Why did every movie freak become a real freak when they’re watching movies?

I
walked towards and pulled the bag from the chair. Hmm… It was quite heavy, but
not as heavy as I thought… I carry it on my left shoulder, walked to the
stairs, and then descend down.

On
the 1st floor, I see that kid was stacking up a pile of plate behind
the bar-counter. He paused, walked to the cashier machine and gave me the
change.

“Here
is your change ma’am…”

On
second look, that kid still look tired.

I just saw a sacrifice on
beloved expense. I felt a pinch somewhere inside my left chest. I don’t have
the time to contemplate, I wont.